EUROSCRIPT SCREEN STORY COMPETITION 2008

 

 

NAME OF WRITER:   [   ]

 

 

NAME OF SCRIPT:  [   ]

 

 

NUMBER OF SCRIPT: 39

 

 

GENRE: Social Drama

 

LOW/MEDIUM/HIGH BUDGET: Low/Medium

 

 

BRIEF SYNOPSIS:

 

A corrupt, debt-ridden social worker forces a poverty-stricken teenage mother to take part in a bare-knuckle boxing match; she and her boyfriend deprive him of her winnings, and use them to set up a new, viable life for themselves.

  

 

LIST THE STRENGTHS OF THIS WRITER, IDEA AND TREATMENT:

 

1. Strong socially-conscious themes hinging around youth violence and vulnerable teenagers being failed by the care services.

 

2. The underground boxing match and criminal world associated with it offer good opportunities for some striking and unusual visuals.

 

3. Good potential for emotional involvement with the plight of the underprivileged and vulnerable couple at the centre of the story.

 

4. Optimistic, feel-good ending.

 

 

LIST THE AREAS THIS WRITER NEEDS TO FOCUS ON TO IMPROVE THIS IDEA.

 

1. First and foremost, there just isn’t enough material here for a full-length feature film. The plot needs to be greatly expanded and deepened if it is to be viable.

 

2. It would help the reader to believe in the characters as individuals if they are given names – and maybe brief descriptions - rather than being referred to as “the boy”, “the girl”, “the man in the suit”, “the guy from work”, etc – which makes them all seem a bit generic.

 

3. It isn’t necessary at this stage to use a couple of paragraphs to explain the thinking behind the story and its themes – these should emerge naturally and be fairly plain from your telling of the story.

 

4. The ‘fight club’ aspect of the story seems a little fanciful and takes the story away from realism, and the writer’s stated aim of tackling “stage-managed playground violence, the sort that is filmed and broadcast over the Internet”. Surely this is never anything like as elaborate as the underground world depicted here?

 

5. Is “the man in the suit” a credible antagonist? Can we really believe that social workers are as conniving as this – wanting not only to turn their female charges into bare-knuckle fighters but also to abuse them sexually? Can he be made more believable?

  

 

ANY OTHER ADVICE YOU CAN OFFER WHICH WILL BE HELPFUL TO THIS WRITER WHEN HE/SHE IS REWRITING?

 

Readers (and potential producers) need to feel that the writer has already invested a good deal of time and thought in their idea by the time it reaches them. The treatment should demonstrate this and clearly suggest that the writer is capable of writing a full-length screenplay. This treatment seems rather rushed and cursory.

 

The writer needs to learn more about the way in which feature films are constructed and the kinds of events and developments they should contain. Read basic texts like Robert McKee’s Story and Syd Field’s Screenplay to get useful tips on this.